Day by day it seems my energy is draining from my body.  Every day seems harder to embrace than the last and each day, I force myself out of bed to deal with the norm and return back only to cry.  All my smiles feel so fake now, how did I end up here? How did my smiles become fake, how did my emotions only become sadness and anger?  2010 so far has been a tough year and it doesn't seem to be getting easier despite the fact I have amazing friends there to support me through everything...

but, they don't know everything that runs through my mind.  Things are driving me to the edge and I just feel like I'm falling from the point where I thought things would turn out better.  I thought I was stronger than this? When did I begin to see physical wounds as a pathway of escape from my emotional ones? 

When summer came around, we started to get close as friends.  It was nice considering that I've known you for a couple years before hand and now we finally began to talk and hang out semi-normally as friends.  Everything seemed great, even though I was your "guy" friend things were... fun.  We talked just about every single day, on aim.  We became close friends and could talk about so much together.  Suddenly that all changed... just so recent too...

Our chats came down to "Hey, whats up?"... "Nm, You?"...
How did this happen? When did this happen? I'm feeling like I'm losing one of my close friends so quickly, almost as quickly as we became friends.  =/

-Quick story/update on how things been  T_T;;-

School is about to start soon and summer is coming to an end.  I've always had most of my best friends living close to me with the farthest at an hour walk.  But, one of my bestest friends is now moving away.  I've known her for over 8 years.  Through those 8 years, we've talked to each other every day somehow, hung out just about every week, did homework together even though we went to different schools.  She has been able to make me smile without even trying and most of the time she doesn't even know she has made me feel better.  We've been close for years and no matter we've been inseperable throughout the years.  My first true friend since I've moved here, she means the world to me.  Sadly, she is moving away and even  though it's only a 40 minute drive it still pains me to hear it.  She has been attempting to move several times and I thought by now I'd be ready but I'm not.  Tears flood my eyes even when I think about it and my heart sinks.  Who would walk with me to our tutoring class and crack stupid jokes when I need a good laugh?  I'm not saying my other friends can't do this but most of them are very busy or live farther away. 

I don't know what'd I'll do without her living so close and I know she can still visit but... it just feels like I'm being torn.  I don't want her to move but what choice does she have and it's for her future so I can't be selfish about it.  I know we'll always be BFFs but I just can't help but miss her and remember all the stupid stuff we did all those years. 

Best friends forever--I hope it stays that way.